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 04
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About love |
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04000001
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”Don’t speak of love” says an old song. Some also think this way as a matter of fact: of love it is not necessary to speak but only to love (that is not to think, not theoreticize concerning it). Or still confirm: of love there is nothing to speak of, because all is said already of it. A present essay is not for these people. It is for those desiring to know of love possibly more, for those who are used not only to feel, experience love, but also to think about it, in order that it were better, richer, stronger. |
1. Don’t speak of love
A present essay is for those desiring to know of love possibly more, for those who are used not only to feel, experience love, but also to think about it. (04000001) |
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0401 |
Love-feeling and love-action |
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04010001
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In what sense is love an activity?Love is not only and even not so much a feeling. In its main meaning it is activity, activity of brain, soul, body. One must relate to love as to a special form of human activity. As feeling, opposite of hate, it appears in all kinds of human activity and intercourse, but as special activity it manifests only in sexual intercourse of man and woman.
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2. Love as activity.
Love is a special form of human activity. (04010001) |
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04010002
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What is the theory of love?Unfortunately, up to day no comprehensive philosophical or scientific theory of love exists. As an object of research it has been for medicine, psychology, specialists of ethics. But they regard love each from their own point of view. Physicians as an aspect of deviation of normal sexual behavior, sexopatology, psychologists as emotionally psychological relationship, specialists of ethic as moral category. Recently a new scientific branch, sexology, has appeared. But also it regards love mainly from the physical point of view, as sex. Also a multitude of statements of writers, cultural activists, philosophers, scientists, religious preachers, who with the power of their different assessments of values do not at all contribute to the holistic understanding of love. The absence of a full-valued theory of love leads to formulations of one-sided, distorted presentations. Among these presentations the most widely diffused are presentations of love as a feeling, desire, inclination, that is, as emotionally psychological relation of subject to object of love (F095).
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3. Philosophical or scientific theory of love?
No comprehensive philosophical or scientific theory of love exists. The absence of a full-valued theory of love leads to formulations of one-sided, distorted presentations. Love as a feeling, desire, inclination, as emotionally psychological relation of subject to object of love. (04010002) |
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04010003
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What are the main characteristics of love?Big confusion emerges from the fact that with one and the same word it is ment the human feeling, the opposite of hate, and human activity, lying as a basis of relationship between man and woman. This confusion, true, is historically explainable: early concepts of people were unsufficiently differentiated from each other, unsufficiently defined, vague in their contents. So also as love was mentioned and still is mentioned everything that emerges from the most powerfull feelings emerging between man and woman. This is to a certain extent justified. Because basically the feeling of love and the activity of love are lying on the same tendency to harmony, unity, beauty (excellency). Love appears as concrete (emotional and/or activating) expression of harmonic contradiction (F096) and in quality of such corresponding to such a group of concepts and categories: identity, inner consciousness, relationship, unity, harmony, organic entity, general, homogeneous, likeness, infinity, eauality, comprehension, rest, conservation, symmetry, contrariness, necessity, lawfulness, order (and contrarily incorresponding to the same group of concepts and categories: differently, counterpositionally, outer consciousness, crashing together, fighting, disharmony, specific, of separate emergency, unlikeness, unequality, final, moving, changing, not returning, random, appearing, disorder) (F097).
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4. Comprehensive characteristics of love.
identity, inner consciousness, relationship, unity, harmony, organic entity, general, homogeneous, likeness, infinity, eauality, comprehension, rest, conservation (04010003) |
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04010004
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What are the main characteristics of the relationship between man and woman?Love as activity is not only emotional experience and strive to harmony, unity, beauty, but just this making and producing of harmony, unity, beauty. Exactly these are the relationships of man and woman.
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04010005
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Why the difference between love as feeling and love as activity?Why do I stress the difference between love as feeling and love as activity? Such a distinction is necessary for the explanation of the essence of love as one of the most important means, factors of the “making” of immortality. In the quality of feeling love is only some psychologic state and its connection with the continuation of human race, that is with the real “making” of immortality seems to be problematic or rather distant. In the quality of special activity it immediately “participates” in the “making” of immortality.
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5. Distiction between feeling and activity.
(04010005) |
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04010006
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What about the variety of love as an activity?Differentiating love as feeling and love as activity still must be taken into consideration that the latter is not always connected with high glow of feelings, loving experience, that is, with what the poets and writers and romantics only mention as love. Love as activity is not something exceptional, met only rarely. The variety of forms of love as activity is rather wide: from immediate sexual impulses and contacts to the highest forms of love, in which sexual enjoyment and intercourse are “dressed” into the most orderly, estheticized, spiritually idealized “dresses” of feelings and behavior of the loving persons.
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6. Variety of love as an activity.
... from immediate sexual impulses and contacts to the highest forms of love, in which sexual enjoyment and intercourse are “dressed” into the most orderly, estheticized, spiritually idealized “dresses” of feelings and behavior of the loving persons. (04010006) |
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04010007
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Can all sexual intercourse be considered as love?According to the romantically tuned people not all sexual intercourse is love. I confirm that if sexual intercourse is taking place between normal people, it deserves to be mentioned as love – because among the simple population sexual intercourse is called as “loving relationship”, “love life” still it is said: “occupy with love”, that is, get into sexual intercourse. Of course there is love and love. Exists primitive love, declining love, incomplete love, and exists high love, full love, genuine love. In general love is such as is man. And if we as people whatever kind name as people, so also their sexual relationships, whatever they are, we must mention as love.
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7. Is all sexcual intercourse love?
(04010007) |
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0402 |
Love as sex |
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04020001
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Is sexual love possible without sexual affection?The problem of love and sexual relationships has occupied in latter times a sharper form: as problem of love and sex. Love and sex are some times different things and even opposite things (F098). Of course, if love is understood only as feeling, then necessarily love and sex are different matters. If love is understood as activity (as aspect of sexual intercourse of man and woman), then becomes obvious that such a love necessarily assumes sex. (Love without sex is just feeling). Because what is such a sex, if not behavior, combined with satisfaction of sexual need (F099). But whether sexual love is possible without sexual affection and action aiming its satisfaction? No, of course.
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8. Is sexual love possible without sexual affection?
(04020001) |
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04020002
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Is human sex possible without love?Some people state still that sex is possible without love, that satisfaction of sexual need cannot always be called love. Yes, really, it also happens that participants of sexual contact do not name the contact as love. But of this love does not cease to be love. Millions of people love and never use the word “love”. (This is the same as everybody speaks prose, but only few know what it is.) If sexual behavior is based on human and directed to another human (of different sex), so it is always not only sex, not only physical action, manipulation, but love, sensible in a human way, to some degree animated, decorated by human feelings of sexuality. Already V.G. Belinsky has said: “man is not animal and not angel; must not love in animal way and not in platonic but human way ” (F100). I say more: man must not love in human way, but cannot love but in human way, that is, can only love in human way. Purely in animal way a human cannot love, how much he it even wanted, he cannot get rid of his human nature. All sex is human (F101) and therefore deserves the denomination of human love. Even sexual behavior of raper can be called love, even if perverse, distorted, one-sided, but love however. Because rapist is not animal, but human, who in no way cannot stop being human.
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04020003
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Can sex be considered purely physical relationship?Wrong are those who under sex understand pure physical sexual relationship. Human being is total in his living apparition and behaves always not only in animal, biological being, but as spiritual, moral, social being. Yes, sex is physical, but not something self-sufficient, but a part of loving, humanly loving relationship of man and woman, as physical side of their love. There are, of course, cases where love and sex are separated in the known counterpositioning of genuine love, full valued, spiritually rich and purely decadent, spiritually poor, approximating purely animal relations. The world of love is big and manifold as is the world of human being, and as many kinds of love as there are people exist.
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9. Can sex be considered purely physical relationship?
(04020003) |
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04020004
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What kind of hypocricy may exist around the sex?The famous heroine of erotic novel by Emmanuelle Arsan is completely justly ironizing themes that counterpose love and sex (sexual relationship). “Love without embracing, embracing without love, she says, already two thousand years of hypocricy surround this question like flies around a lamp. Nothing terrible, if they trust somewhat in reason, but they also want to jerk the whole planet! They put figue leaves on statues, plan sitting dresses for Tahitians. They want us to hate our own body…
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10. Hypocricy around the sex.
Emmanuelle (04020004) |
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04020005
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- But there are also other values, besides bodily.
- Again for one! Bodily! Yes my soul evaporates much higher than with some eternally praying saint.” Look at Emmanuel Arsan. Emmanuelle. Part 2. ”The growth of boldness”).
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04020006
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Is sex correlated with spiritual development?In sex there is its poetry, its esthetic and also its spirituality! The sex itself is not guilty to being rude, primitive, nonestetic, without spirit. Its qualities depend on people. Rude, primitive characters and sex make it so. On the contrary, wise, spiritually developed people, aiming physical relationship and make sex intellectually exquisite, emotionally rich, refined, a genuine celebration of life.
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11. Sex and spiritual development.
In sex there is its poetry, its esthetic and also its spirituality! The sex itself is not guilty to being rude, primitive, nonestetic, without spirit. (04020006) |
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0403 |
Love as sun of life |
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04030001
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In what sense is sex love and sunshine of life?Further, it must be said, that love includes in itself not only feeling, not only sexual behavior. As activity it comprises also sexual intercourse of man and woman, and in general their relationship, and their relationship to parents, children, others, to surrounding world. In other words, love of man and woman is not limited to framework of their sexual intercourse, but advances in circles, comprises their other relationships, relationships to parents, children, relatives, close friends etc. Excellently has said once V.G. Belinsky: “Love is poetry and sunshine of life”. Yes, love is sunshine of life. Its rays advance to all directions in life, they enlighten everything, even the most distant corners of human life. And this concerns above all relationships to parents and children. Love of parents prepares to sexual life, and love to children crowns it.
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12. Love is poetry and sunshine of life.
(04030001) |
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04030002
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What is the trinity of love?Love as important factor of continuation of human race is realized in full sense only in this trinity: as love to parents, as loving connection and as love to children. Of course, love to parents and love to children do not have the character of special activity. Nonetheless this is not simply a feeling of sympathy, comfort, the opposite of hate. Together with loving connection they are situated on the same line with continuation of race, are expressions of powerful instinct of continuation of race. We remember that on this occasion Plato has written: animals “get loving passion beginning at time of copulation, and then when they feed their cabs, they are ready to fight with the most powerful for them however weak they would be themselves, and die, and suffer hunger, only to feed them, and in general to stand anything” (F102). This, of course, is true also in human love relationship. As giving birth to children, so also educating them are impossible without love. A full valued human being can give birth and educate only in conditions of love, in its radiation.
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13. What is the trinity of love?
Love to parents, loving connection and love to children. (04030002) |
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0404 |
Value of love for life |
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04040001
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Two extremes exist in valuation of love as factor of life. |
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04040002
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What are the two extremes in valuation of love?There are people who detest being connected with it or consider it unnecessary for life. They can only be pitied. They deprive themselves an essential part of life. The great part of these people are also engaged in love, enjoy it and exercise sex. But they do, however not, value love and enjoy its fascination as if not willing, satisfy their sexual needs in the most simple, primitive way. Instead love is one of the most powerful engine and factor of movement in life, thanks to which also other facets of it and it as a whole find sense and significance, enrich, flourish in thousands of colors. Under the rays of love everything is presented in the best light, the life itself does not only find sense, but also becomes constant source of joy and pleasure. A loving person is predisposed to good, harmonious relationships to other people, in general to the whole world. Loving person, unconditionally loves nature, animals, vegetables. Loving person loves oneself, own body and soul, own love, wants to correspond to it, its fascinating beauty and harmony, wants to be better, to learn, develop himself infinitely, create, compose, dare, be worthy object of love (beloved).
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14. Two extremes in valuation of love
1. consider it unnecessary for life.
2. one of the most powerful engine and factor of movement in life. (04040002) |
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04040003
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Describe love as the most powerful source of emotions!Love has the greatest value thanks to being on of the most powerful sources of positive emotions, pleasure and joy. And meaning of positive emotions is difficult to overestimate. They encourage, mobilize, and on the other hand, soften the effect of different stresses. If positive emotions are scarce, life gradually turns, at first to wretched, empty existence and then a real hell.
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15. Most powerful sources of positive emotions, pleasure and joy.
(04040003) |
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04040004
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What kind of consequences can have life without love?Without love, without loving joys, man is deprived of significant part of positive emotions. He may become misanthrop, psychopat, rapidly wither, become brittle, get old etc.
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04040005
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What is the role of love as an elixir of life?In the final account love always exists in life, it helps life as some all-intrusive elixir, independently of whether man is concretely in love or not. Condition without love, love being absent is rather a fact of consciousness than that of life. In the deepness of his existence man always loves.
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16. Love as elixir.
(04040005) |
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04040006
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A.S. Pushkin has written wonderful lines: |
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04040007
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Despondensies
Nothing annoys, does not disturb
And heart anew cares and loves – for that,
That it cannot not love.(On the Georgian hills dust is lying in the night) |
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04040008
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Really, human heart cannot but love. Another proverb, that to this love (as all-intrusive elixir) there is little for him. He wants to care of love. Better is the foe of good. So it is also in matters of love. |
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———— |
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04040010
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If love serves bad purposes, so this is for it a circumstancial hindrance. In itself love is not vampon neither murderer… In the most cases it is normal, that is, it is such as it should be or takes place in most men and women. |
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04040011
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Now all kinds of paradoxic statements are in mode. Among them exist negative assessment of love as such. It is sometimes described as something strange, dangerous for life, as pathology. So on telecanal ‘Culture’ in an advertising talk show “Black square” (200309) among other words from the mouth of one of the performers such a frase was heard: “Love is a clinical form”. One must be to some extent out of mind, in order to make such an announcement! I am greatly astonished that such an announcement is made in an advertisement and on a telecanal ‘Culture’. Be it that somebody said a stupid word, but why is it repeated and literlly advertised?! And this on a telecanal, which must carry the light of culture to people, must show models of good, better, something that constitutes basic light for life. Because this canal is watched by millions of young people and what must they think? What is love – a disease? So, down with love?! This is inimaginable! This way brought out of sense young people behave in matters of love as outsiders, disapproving or even cynically scorning their feelings and/or feelings of somebody loving them. But some of them avoid love or fight against it, if it happens to appear. How many dramatic spectacles and tragedies may occur because of this absurd statement of ‘performer’, fortified by the authority of television and especially of telecanal ‘Culture’! |
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04040012
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The love itself is a whole world, delightful and magnificent! |
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04040013
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What is ment by 'absolutization of love'?Another extreme, in evaluation of love: its absolutization. This absolutization can be of different characters. For young people love may be equal to life itself and they sometimes put a counterquestion: if there is no love, it is not worth to live. (without love there is no life). How many dramatic scenes and tragedies out of this! How many suicides, crippled lives! Artistic literature is full of such motives. We only need to remember famous tragedy of Shakespeare ‘Romeo and Juliet’ or ‘The Sorrows of Young Werther by Goethe. Love is worth living for it, but it is also worth dying for it.
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17. Absolutization of love.
(04040013) |
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04040014
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Still one absolutization of love: when because of love, not life but some other essential thing is sacrificed, for instance the favorite thing, creation… Charging to love sometimes acquiesces everything else. One becomes the slave of love, turns out to sexual machine, to trace, loses life to love adventures or becomes a scoundrel, a moral monster, criminal, murderer. |
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04040015
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Absolutization of its own kind is also prophecy of all-comprising love, when it is put into center of individual and social life. Above I have criticized such absolutization of love in the creative activity of Tolstoy. I repeat, in addition to love to ‘others’ there is also fight with ‘others’. This is not necessarily a war of destruction. It may be competition, a healthy concurrence. It may be a struggle of new with old, of progressive with reactionary. It may finally be fight with bad, carriers of bad intentions. Such a fight with ‘others’ is no less significant for life than love of ‘others’. Love is just one pole of life. Another pole of it is struggle. |
18. All-comprising love.
(04040015) |
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04040016
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How can you become a victim of love?So, who pays too much attention to love, he as a rule, becomes its victim. Immersion to love is also dangerous, as is avoidance of love. In general it is very important, on one hand, to give love the importance of life, but on the other, not overestimate its meaning.
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19. Victim of love.
(04040016) |
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040401 |
Love as a value in itself |
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04040101
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Love is relatively independent of lover as well as of beloved, that is, of the subject and of the object of love. |
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04040102
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In what sense can we speak of the independence of love?Its relative independence of the lover appears in the fact that it can appear unaware or emerge even against the desire and reason of the lover.
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04040103
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Its independence of the object of love appears in the fact that the concrete object may be the best variant and, as well, as it is said in the proverb ”love of bad, loves a bock, too” (“любовь зла, полюбишь и козла”), object may be simply worthless or even dangerous for the lover. |
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04040104
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In order not to remain unaware and not to dictate him its conditions, he must be prepared to it, collect experience, learn to recognize the possible fever of love of also those ‘lovers’ with whom he wants to keep distance. |
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0405 |
Love: norm, deviation, pathology |
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04050001
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Love as a kind of activity is basically normal and at the same time allows different deviations from normal to pathology. |
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04050002
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What is normal in love?A certain difficulty exists in the assessment of what is normal in love, and what anomaly.
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04050003
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- Apparently normal love is sexual love (between man and woman), which supports, harmonizes, completes present their actual life and creates new. Shortly: normal love is mutual, divided between man and woman.
- It must not be thought that normal love is the same for all, that it is a model of ideal love, which should correspond real love.
- Normal love is one and manifold, typical and individual, serial and unique. But obligatory in it there is no more than just essential. It is normal like normal person. If health is for us an indisputable value, so is normal love such kind of value.
- Norm for love is moderate, mean between extremes, unity and dynamic equilibrium of opposite sides. So is in general and as a whole. Concretely the norm fluctuates on both sides. Essentially it is statistical. As far as there is no ideal average, no ideal equilibrium, so there is no ideal love. Real love a little bit differs from what we imagine as being ideal. And it is different with different people.
- Normal is not only equality of sexes, but also some dominance of one of the partners. First violin may be played by man, but also by woman…
- Normal is not only equilibrium of spiritual and physical, but also some predominances of one or the other. In some the esthetic (distant) beginning of love, in others things based on feeling or touching (contact).
- Normal is difference in quiet and passionate love. It may be as peacefully flowing river, but also as a mountain rapid.
- Fully allowed and tolerated are different loves with egocentric inclination (when person loves more oneself than the other) and loves with altruistic inclination (when person loves more the other than oneself).
- etc.
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20. Normal love
(04050003) |
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04050004
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Abnormal love is all other love. |
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04050005
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- Abnormal is love without counterlove, undivided love, as far as in it desire of harmony and happiness do not materialize.
- Abnormal is love alone. This is the case called self-satisfying. This may happen in two ways: with own desire, pollution or in form of masturbation, conscious action of self-satisfaction.
- Abnormal rape.
- Abnormal unipolar love (homosexualism).
- Abnormal satisfaction of sexual desire with the help of animals, dead etc.
- Abnormal virtual love (internet)
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21. Abnormal love
(04050005) |
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04050006
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What is essential in sexual love?We remind that essential in sexual love is harmonious counterpositioning and as such the oppositeness of sexes. Without this oppositeness there is no genuine, normal love. Self-satisfaction, unilateral ‘love’ (homosexualism), rape, satisfaction of sexual desire with the help of animals, dead etc. is only a shadow, pale copy, surrogate of love. They are abnormal just because they represent deformations of love as harmonious counterpositioning. For instance, however much homosexuals would hum, praise their ‘love’, it will always remain makeshift, artificial, grounded only by something likeness of sexual counterpositioning. As a consequence of this it always remains ‘love’ of sexual minorities, that is, an exception of the rule. Excessive attention on this love in present society is a temporary phenomenon, characteristic cost of sexual revolution.
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22. Essence of sexual love is harmonious oppositeness of sexes.
(04050006) |
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04050007
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Or virtual love (via internet). It may be good, if it appears as preludium or supplement of living love. And it is necessarily abnormal, if it disturbs the latter. |
23. Virtual love.
(04050007) |
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04050008
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Purely spiritual love to the opposite sex (undivided or virtual), is necessarily better than state without love (emptiness of feelings). Nevertheless it can be useful in the general context of life, as special kind of training in love and as stimulation to creative action, to self-development. Nevertheless one must be conscious of such kind of love, not be circulating around it, aspire for a full-valued relationship. |
24. Spiritual love.
(04050008) |
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04050009
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The same may be said of self-satisfaction (masturbation etc.). Self-satisfaction is better than nothing, but worse than normal sexual relationships. |
25. Self-satisfaction.
(04050009) |
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04050010
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Abnormal love is not necessarily pathology. It becomes such only under certain conditions, especially: as a result of psychic illness, or as a consequence of criminal actions. |
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0406 |
Remarks on love |
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040601 |
Lyrics and erotics |
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04060101
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- Lyrics and erotics are two types of love experiences.
- Lyrics is based on feelings, emerging from seeing and/or hearing pictures. This is distant love.
- Erotics is mainly based on binding feelings and action. This is contact love.
- In lyrics spiritual and emotional dominates, in formulating, constituting love. In erotics it is physical, bodily, action pertaining to the sense of touch that constitutes the love.
- Between lyrics and erotics may be harmony, but may also be antagonism. Harmony in lyrics and erotics is what people usually try to reach, that is called a full-valued love. In the framework of loving harmony lyrics and erotics complement each other.
- In the case of abnormal flow of love lyrics may give erotic feelings, and erotics lyric feelings. (Just in these cases love and sex are counterpositioned). The antagonism of lyrics and erotics usually emerges in situations of counterpositioning soul and body, when spiritual is considered something elevated, noble, wheras bodily is something lower, animalistic, cattlelike.
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26. Lyrics and erotics.
(04060101) |
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040602 |
Love and marriage |
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04060201
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04060202
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What kind of conditions for a happy marriage exist?Sexual love is the basis of marriage. Nevertheless it is necessary to state categorically that marriage with love in all cases is better than marriage of convenience. Love is an inavoidable precondition to marriage, but not the only one. For marriage also other conditions are needed: dwelling, monetary, unitary approach to giving birth to children, human mutual understanding… Because of this marriage of love and marriage of convenience must not be counterpositioned. It must be both of love and of convenience! Happy marriage!
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27. Conditions for marriage.
(04060202) |
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04060203
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Cases exist, when girl or woman marries not of love, but out of necessity (for convenience or for compulsion). Here two scenarios development of circumstances are possible: |
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04060204
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- best when spouses may gradually come to mutual love, and
- worse when marriage is discontinued as torture. In this case lawcourt should not be recurred, but divorce should be taken without protraction.
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04060205
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How does modern marriage differ from the traditional?Attention should be paid to the fact that modern marriage differs in principle from what it was hundred years ago. Particularly this concerns of the life of spouses in big cities.
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28. Modern vs. traditional marriage.
(04060205) |
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04060206
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For the first, so called trial marriage has appeared (when young during a sufficiently long time live as man and wifewithout formal marriage relations). |
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04060207
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Secondly, wide-spreaded is also so called citizen marriage (when man and woman are living together, again without formal marriage relationship). |
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04060208
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Thirdly, the character of spousal within the marriage relationship is changing. In stead of strictly one-spoused (with some more or less random changes of spouse) is becoming a half-legal form of marriage “with trailer” (marriage plus ultramarital loving relationships). Ever more wife ceases to be the only woman, that is, stops to be the principal, but also not the only woman. Gradually also man stops to be for woman the only man, but is gaining the status of main, but not the only man. In the strict sense monogamy (one spouse) has started its landing. |
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04060209
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For the fourth, rather rule than exception has become a chain of marriages during lifetime (marriage-divorce-marriage…) In other words, if marriage is considered in time, so it has become practically polygamy. |
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04060210
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All these changes in the institution of marriage, as it seems to me, do not appear to be result of lower moral. A deep liberation process of rules of life is going on, including also love and sexual relationships. The institution of marriage is only contributes to this change of relationships of love. |
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040603 |
Sexual moral |
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04060301
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In what sense is the sexual moral simple and complicated?Sexual moral is simple and complicated. It is simple as the rules of traffic and complicated as the life itself. Sexual moral regulates sexual relationships of people, either awakens, directs, allows, or limits, prohibits. All these commandments, permits, limitations and prohibitions are based on the conceptions of good and bad, which in their turn emanate from rules of behavior (“do not do others what you do not wish that they do to you” and “behave with others as you wish that they behave with you”).
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29. Simple and complicated.
(04060301) |
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04060302
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Above all sexual moral commands adult people in sexual relationships and denies sexual relationships between parents and children, brothers and sisters. These are the poles of sexual moral for sexual life. Between them there is a rather wide spectr of permissions and limitations. |
30. Permissions and limitations.
(04060302) |
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04060303
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Sexual moral commands people to sexual relationships, seeing in these relations good and bad. It limits and prohibits sexual relationships in the cases when they could bring or bring along bad consequences. |
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04060304
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Sexual moral must not be understood only as something limiting and prohibiting. Otherwise we would have to do with repressive moral. |
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040604 |
«Alyosha kind of love» |
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04060401
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There was a movie called «Алешкина любовь» (Alyosha kind of love). In the main role was Leonid Bykov. This is one of the best love movies. The tuning is absolutely natural, without any false note and white yarn. Love is described, not high, nor low, not heavenly nor earthen, but such as is usually is or should be between young people, lightened and pure, worldly and heavenly. |
31. As is usually is or should be.
(04060401) |
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04060402
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Subject is simple: youngster by name Alyosha decided to enter geology educating institution, but at the beginning he joined to geologic expedition on oil rig. Work on the rig did not go well, so he thought that he would go away. But then he met a girl Zina and fell in love with her. She lived and worked with her father at a railway crossing, which was situated aside many kilometers away from the rig. And so Alyosha began to make many kilometers long trips to the crossing, in order only to see her. Finally with the help of the father of the girl got acquainted with her and started meet with her. The girl got interested with our hero, she was pleasantly astonished of the fact that he only to see her did such long trips. Relations were honest and pure as they are in the case of first love. |
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04060403
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But here was an intervention from the side of one of the rig workers, work mate. He decided to ‘strike’ Zina. Alyosha surprised him trying to embrace and kiss Zina. She despairly opposed. Alyosha, of course, defended the girl. He retreated but doing so offenced Zina with bad words. Our hero required that he beg pardon in front of Zina. He refused. Alyosha named this ‘hero’ scoundrel, villain and stroke him on cheek. As a result Alyosha was beaten, because he was physically weaker than he. In the meantime darkness became, Alyosha did not return to the lodging. Comrades alarmed for him. They knew of the returning ‘hero’ what happened between him and Alyosha. They started searching Alyosha. Finally they find him. Alyosha continued to require that the scoundrel went and begged pardon in front of Zina. Moral pressure from the side of the work mates was such that he did not stand it and went next day to beg pardon in front of Zina. |
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04060404
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She was happy of the power of will of Alyosha, that he was able to get him to beg pardon. Rig workers in next day changed the spot of drilling, travelling far from the crossing. During the next two weeks they worked without free days and Alyosha was not able to see Zina. Finally he agreed with coworker at shift that decided to go the following day the long way to the girl at the crossing. But there she having traveled many kilometers herself came to meet him at the rig. All were stroken of astonishment. Alas! here is the ’Alyosha kind of love’! |
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04060405
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This movie, as a kind of tuning fork, shows how is or should be normal human love, and, as lakmus paper, shows, detects false, dishonesty, artificiality of many other movies, artistic presentations, devoted to relationships between man and woman. |
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———— |
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04060407
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What other Russian love stories?I can mention still some Russian movies, in which normal love of normal people is described. Such is «Алые паруса» (Red sails), «Весна на Заречной улице» (Spring at Riverside street), «Неоконченная повесть» (Unfinished story), «Повесть о первой любви» (Story of first love), «Золушка» (Zolushka)… The here mentioned movies are perfect in their kind. The fact itself that they exist shows that it is completely possible to describe clearly and powerfully love, its all sides without these makeweights: all dirt, worldly squabbles, criminal acts, violence, murder, suicide etc.
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32. Russian love stories.
(04060407) |
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040605 |
About 'Lolita', the book of V. Nabokov |
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04060501
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What kind of book is Lolita?With difficulty I read this book. Honestly saying its spirit does not please me. The main hero is given as sexual maniac with rather limited selection of thoughts and feelings. Everything turns around his sick passion for the young girl. For him there is no world of culture, no world of normal human relationships, nor, the main thing, favorite work, creative activity. What a dull book. I completely admit the love of forty year old man to young girl, but not in this kind of morally decadent atmosphere, when this love has sick maniac and criminal tone.
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04060502
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The too harsh official moral can of course be accused of the dramatization and even tragedization of the love of the hero (the hero willing not willing feels himself as moral outlaw and criminal). But in this love there is something really evil. Because the girl Lolita devoted herself to the stepfather as playing, out of curiosity and then already rapidly got cooled with him, got dull of his love. That is, almost at once after the beginning of the love relationship the stepfather turned to her not on the basis of mutuality of feelings, not as personal subject, but as object own passion, as to toy-doll. He blandished her as thoughtless child (literally bought her favor) and, of course, intimidated… Sex had clearly one-sided character. But this is against all morals. |
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04060503
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When is sex morally justified?Sex is only then morally justified, when it is based on mutuality, that is, as a matter of fact, on inner sexual desire of both sides. Abnormally, if just one of the parties in sex obliged to it by outer conditions and does not obtain of it satisfaction.
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0407 |
About the culture of love-sex |
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04070001
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04070002
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Relationship of satisfaction out of sexual desire differs from love enjoyment as the breakfast of a poor from the table of maharaja.Peach branch |
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04070003
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… love relationship is a mutual creative activity, aspiration of two persons in creation of joy and beauty, enjoyment, equal for both, in which both give an equal input.Ruth Dickson |
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04070004
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1. Above all to love must be related in a most serious way, not understanding it as a feeling, as ‘sighing in moonshine”, in purely romantic radiance. Love in the fullest and deepest sense is action of brain, spirit and body. To it must be re-lated as to a kind of human activity and consequently to it one must be prepared, it must be learned and it must be taken, but not expected as present of destiny. |
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04070005
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(As a matter of fact, why must love be necessarily expected as the present of destiny? Why is it necessary to be content with its accidental character and caprices? And why for love the only one in the whole Universum is needed? Still once we repeat: love is a kind of human activity and therefore to it one must be prepared as to any other activity, it must be taken, it must be sustained, developed. D.I. Pisarev has said of happiness that it is conquered and elaborated and not received in ready-made form from hands of a benefactor. The same can be said also of love.) |
34. Love is a kind of human activity.
(04070005) |
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04070006
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2. Turning away from hypertrophic conception of the feeling of love as most important factor of sexual love I state that on the basis of sexual love is not only feeling, but also all other constituents of human psychophysiology. |
35. The basis of sexual love.
(04070006) |
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04070007
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What is the role of feelings in the world of love?When young people get familiar with the world of love in its full extent, orienting only by their feelings, they are doomed to make mistakes and suffer lack of success. Feelings are compass in love relationships and only compass. For normal sexual closeness this compass is insufficient. Knowledge and wisdom are needed, and for this is needed above all brain and deliberation.
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36. Brain and deliberation are needed.
(04070007) |
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04070008
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Which three elements are important in love?3. Love is harmony of two harmonies: physical and spiritual. It is activity of brain, soul and body, that is, all three elements are equally important for it.
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04070009
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What is love calculation?Usually, when about love is spoken, so only two elements are ment: physical and spiritual closeness. For a full-valued love it is little. Brain, deliberation, reason are obligatory to be present in it and as its true passion, conservers and its helpers. Love calculation and love intuition are also important, as also love feeling. Brains must be used firstly to find ways to put aside all that is disturbing love, that turns it to difficult experience, and secondly, care must be taken of its development, completion, enrichment, flourishment. Love calculation, particularly, is very important in completion of the techniques of love relationships (rules and methods of caretaking, sexual techniques, rules and methods of post-sexual behavior).
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37. Love calculation and love intuition.
(04070009) |
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04070010
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What is understood by the holistic character of love?4. There are masses of wisecracks, who counterposition love and sex. Sex is inavoidable constituent part of love, its physical side. What in love puffs out is sometimes one of its sides, sometimes the other, sometimes sex, sometimes spiritual closeness, to speak only of insufficient knowledge of people of the laws of love, of that it carries a holistic character, and counterpositioning one another in it, is an example of distorted understanding of love.
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38. Love has a holistic character.
(04070010) |
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04070011
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What dangers has an exaggerated absolutization of individualism?5. It is said that love is individual. On this basis it is stated that love cannot be learned, that everybody experienceds it in own way and that what is good for somebody, may be bad for somebody else. That kind of absolutization of individuality is extremely dangerous. It leads to people not learning love, undertaking it wildly, beginning everything from zero, everybody finding America anew, as blind cats trying to find complicated comarques of love by the method of trial and error finding something, but more often during the whole life using only minimal part of what love can give.
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39. Not too individual.
(04070011) |
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04070012
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Yes, love carries with it the stamp of individuality to those who love. But it has also more general, what is characteristic to many people, or for everybody who in one or another way beat the road to individual sexual relationships. |
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04070013
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6. One more confusion must be overcome yet: in matters of love orientation must not be only on the basis of atmosphere and feeling, emotional predisposition. Particularly if there is no orientation to love game, but the other side desires, so it is necessary to try by various means to divide the atmosphere, to prepare oneself… |
40. Get prepared to love.
(04070013) |
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04070014
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In sexual intercourse it is not necessary that feeling precedes always action. The opposite is also completely admissible: action first, and then feelings, that is, feeling can be brought by action. In this latter case reason is in foreground. |
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04070015
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Must we wait for inspiration in order to be creative?(In love as in creative activity: one can loose the feeling and inspiration, but also try to solve the creative task independently of whether inspiration exists of not. Creative people usually do not wait for inspiration, but attune themselves, bring themselves to that condition of mind.)
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41. Creative people.
(04070015) |
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04070016
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How can culture of love be developed?Modern sexual love is cultural love, and it is based not only on culture of feeling, but also on the culture of action. Culture of action (loving, sexual action) is obtained only by experience, that is, by awareness, investigation, experiments and errors, experimenting, holding on.
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42. Cultural love.
(04070016) |
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04070017
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What is the role of physical condition in love?7. For a full-valued physical love extremely regular exercise of physical culture and sport, full-valued balanced nutrition, maintenance of body in idea physical form (not too thin, neither too fat) is needed. A beautiful state of body in the sense of form (figure), as well as in the sense of movement (lightness, grace) must be attained.
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43. Physical conditions.
(04070017) |
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04070018
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Is harmony important in love?As I already have said, love is harmony of man and woman as sexual patners and it requires the presence of two harmonies in love, it is harmony of two beautiful, harmoniously developed bodies. In this way harmonious development of body is obligatory condition of love. If somebody obtains love, but at that does not turn out beautiful, remains disharmonious, he or she cannot expect mutuality. Even spiritual qualities do not help here.
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04070019
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What role can dance play in love?8. As an obligatory prelude to love (as such) and/or fulfilment of it must be other mutual harmonious movements – dance. Dance, dance culture is a most powerful means helping in love (its detection, maintenance and development). Who particularly learns to dance and love dance, knows how powerfully they influence mutual consciousness, grinding and harmonizing men and women as sexual partners. Above all couple dances are in question. Couple dance is a peculiar twin of love, probationary polygon of love, experiment model of love. In couple dance man and woman are elaborating and developing the common elements of their sexual behavior. Man ceases to be afraid of woman, and woman of men. They get familiar with the character of each other, learn individual and sexual particularities of behavior, and thanks to this can consciously do favorite choice, not only on the call of heart. Unfortunately in our country (and in many other countries) still very badly is understood the meaning of dance for love and for life in general. In opposite case dance would be taught as obligatory discipline in educational institutions and dance would be obligatory element of cultural pastime of people from childhood to deep old age. How much more beautiful and harmonious would be human life and how much dramas and tragedies would be avoided for people in sexual relationships, if they continuously danced!
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45. Love and dance.
(04070019) |
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04070020
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What is dynamic equilibriumin love?9. In matters of love partners are not always, however, in good mood, ready, experienced etc. Sexual responsibility is dynamic equilibrium, something like oscillation of pendulum. It presupposes some deviation out of correspondence. In essence only sometimes the desires of the partners, out of readiness to love game coincide. More often when one of the parties desires less on even does not at all. It is not necessary to fear this. This kind of lack of corresponcence takes place within the stable dynamic equilibrium of sexual love.
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46. Dynamic equilibrium.
(04070020) |
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04070021
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Can something be done in the situations of lack of correspondence?In situations of lack of correspondence there are two ways to proceed:- if the lack of correspondence is strongly expressed (for instance in case of illness on one of the partners), so no sexual game should be begun (the desiring partner should give up);
- if lack of correspondence is not very strong, so that partner should give up which desires less (or even does not desire), that is, should split desire, prepare oneself to love game.
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47. If there is lack of correspondence...
(04070021) |
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04070022
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10. Against the prejudice about passive behavior being something natural to woman in love game. |
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04070023
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Activity should be convenient, mutual, transitional. In the final account, man behaves more actively, but it is only in the final account. |
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04070024
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Passivity is unavoidable (not only to woman, but also to man) for the sake of rest, relaxation, revival from excessive strain, destructive tiredness. |
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04070025
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Activity is indispensable (non only for man, but also for woman) in order to evoke and attain orgasm. (In love the most enjoyment and satisfaction is obtained of own action and of own activity and movement. Women who behave passively, do not search for pose, where they were maximally active, doom themselves to diminished sensitivity, to slowed down tempo of evoking and even to nonsatisfaction [that is, they more often do not attain orgasm or even do not know what it is].) |
48. Activity is indispensable.
(04070025) |
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04070026
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Activity or passivity or partners depends mainly on positions. The most widely extended position has been to recent times “man above”. It has been considered as basic, and for many couples it actually has been the only one. This position dictates completely definite behavior: man is maximally active, but woman mostly passive. As a result woman has not got genuine satisfaction of love game. |
49. Positions.
(04070026) |
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04070027
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The view that the position ”man above” is fundamental. Partners must intermittently be in different positions, in order to both be in turn active. For woman, as I already have said, the most passive position is when she is lying , and man is above her. The most active position for her is when she is sitting on him (riding position). This position is loved by experienced women. As a matter of fact along the laws of dynamic equilibrium the “riding position” must be applied not more rarely than the position “man above”. |
50. Fundamental position.
(04070027) |
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04070028
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Why must woman be active in love?Why must woman be active in love? Because man is physiologically so disposed that the greatest enjoyment in love is obtained of own movement, of own activity. “Riding position” allows for woman to express maximal activity and tricks, and consequently the most powerful enjoyment she obtains just in this position. The passivity of woman in love game leads to that she does not experience the fullness of enjoyment until she cannot finish, experience orgasm. From this for her develops dissatisfaction of love. Some women, those who from the beginning was no strong desire, remain in sexual relationships cold, frigid. Other women who from the beginning experienced strong desire, experience psychic stress, in consequence of which they become hysterical or start to change partner.
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51. Active woman.
(04070028) |
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04070029
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11. About shame and pudor in love. Shamefulness is an essential quality of human being and we cannot speak of overcoming shamefulness as such, but only of less or more pudor in different situations. |
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04070030
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There may be much or little sexual pudor. When little, then of shamelessness if spoken. This is understandable. There are other situations, however, when pudor exists in too great extent and it disturbs natural expression of feelings. Such situations are not rare compared to relationships between man and woman. |
52. Sexual pudor.
(04070030) |
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04070031
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How has the past century changed the relationships of people?The 20th century has in a basic way changed the relationship of people in different aspects. Clothing has at the end of century become such that it allows significant nudity of men and women. On beaches and swimming pools men and women see each other almost nude. In other social places half nude breasts of women are allowed (as far as nudity or half-nudity of breasts, stomac, hip) and almost as much free nakedness of men.
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53. Nakedness.
(04070031) |
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04070032
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What is ment by the sexual revolution of the past century?On the other hand, in 20th century has taken place a sexual revolution that led to full relaxedness and disengagedness of sexual partners in sexual questions.
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04070033
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Thanks to these two phenomenons a significant lowering of threshold of shamefulness of most people has happened and it assumed a different character. In it there is now less instinctive fear, fearfulness, all kinds of frightening, blind following of traditions and more rational understanding, calculation and individual variation. |
54. Threshold of shamefulness.
(04070033) |
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04070034
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And anyhow there are many people, especially middle aged and older, who continue to be ashamed in love relationships as if they lived in previous century. They are ashamed of nakedness, they are ashamed to undertake love in daylight, they are ashamed to touch sexual organs by hand and mouth, they are ashamed to look together at sexual, erotic movies, pictures, they are ashamed to speak of sexual themes, treat sexual questions, they are ashamed to express this or that sexual initiative etc. That kind fo ashamedness, necessarily disturbs love, its development and completion. |
55. Ashamedness disturbs.
(04070034) |
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04070035
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(To people of middle age in most cases it is difficult to devote themselves and it is better not to require of them a change in sexual behavior. In the same time these people live together with young (children, grandchildren, simply with neighbours). Their old notions in spirit of repressive sexual moral may have harmful effect on their relations with youn people: either push young people away or educate them in in their habits make them young old people. The best if people of middle and old ages learned to be tolerant, start to understand youg people and not disturb them in their sexual lives.) |
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04070036
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Pudor disturbing love must be decisively overcome. True, this must be done tactfully, without compulsion not to speak of violence. |
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04070037
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If partners have sufficient time for sexual intercourse, so they must carefully study the body of each other, look everything, touch, palpate smell, perform sensual (F103)examination (what are the most sensitive spots in erotic sense). |
56. Study of body.
(04070037) |
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04070038
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12. Main thing in love intercourse is mutual enjoyment. This mutuality with the principle of positive responsiveness incredibly fortifies the enjoyment of both partners. If man sees that woman awakens and experiences orgasm, so he himself much stronger awakens and much stronger experiences all enjoyments of love than in the case that woman behaves quietly and indifferently. And vice versa. |
57. Mutual enjoyment.
(04070038) |
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04070039
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13. It is necessary to remember, that in love there are all means of good, if they are not unpleasant for the partners. |
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04070040
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14. The law of love is different for everybody. Uniformity kills love. The phenomenon of ‘honeymoon’ clearly shows this law. After initial period of strong love experiences a decline begins and if partners are not inventive, so gradually their love withers, ceases, in best case, turns to affection. |
58. Uniformity kills love.
(04070040) |
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04070041
|
Versatility must exist in caretaking, in preludium, in positions, motions, additional means of awakening (hands, mouth, artificial means, photographs, videos, music), in situation (in light, without light, in bed and not in bed, home and in nature etc.), in full nudity, and in incomplete nudity observing turns in activity and passiveness, excitement and relaxation. |
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04070042
|
With one word, sexual love requires such seriosity as do professional creative activity. |
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04070043
|
And to learn and complete and tireless search, sustain is all that is necessary to be done in love. |
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